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When I finally met someone (online) who seemed to really like and appreciate me, it completely blew my mind, and I felt on top of the world.
So, we chat for ages, find lots of similar interests, have all kinds of interesting conversations, things seem to be going great behind the sanitizing curtain of the internet. She’s pretty overweight, but, hell, I could lose a few pounds too. Except when we meet in person, I find out I gets in to everything and makes me nauseous.
Every visit, I’d leave not sure if I wanted to be with this person but as soon as I’d come home loneliness and nostalgia set in and suddenly I’m thinking “Well, it’s probably not as bad as all that. As much as I’m a non-confrontational person, I’ve tried to do some prodding about these issues, and I’ve been met with firm resistance. I don’t enjoy our time together in person, but maybe I just need to get used to it? Staying with her is easier, and safer, and better (so I tell myself). If I break things off now, I will have been wasting her time, for years.
I can deal with this.” Even though I KNOW THIS IS TOTALLY INSANE. She does NOT think she should have to change for my sake. There’s still that person I’ve been talking to on the internet, right? She’ll feel betrayed, furious, devastated, and the thought of that makes me feel physically ill.
And yet, by staying with her, even though I’m not sure I want to, isn’t that kind of a being a jerk to her as well? She seems committed, and I only feel it when I’m not physically near her. I’m not even sure I’ll want to get out there and try the nightmare that is dating again if I break things off. Like others who’ve been in his position, he should have ended the relationship long before it reached this point.
Other times, people try to avoid breaking up with their partners because they worry about what it says about them.
One of the most common examples of this are people who realize they are no longer attracted to their partners.
There are some issues that come up that I’m sure I can handle. I like to go out with friends and play games, she’s more a quiet, stay-at-home type. I really dislike dealing with her when she’s drunk.
I thought I didn’t mind her weight but it turns me off and I don’t really enjoy sex with her.
It may be something as significant as a lifestyle change or it may be something shallow as weight gain or age or other physical changes – but it’s Staying in a relationship in order to avoid admitting that you’re not attracted to somebody doesn’t make you a better person, it just prolongs your misery and increases your partner’s when they realize that you’ve been waiting for the end of time to hurry up and arrive.